Jumaat, 29 Jun 2012

Seriously, what can I do?

Bismillah!


What can I say? Really, what can I say?

I am a Muslim. A simple Malay girl with a simple life. I'm trying my best to be a better Muslim each day. I cover myself with decent clothes. I do not drink alcohol. I only eat halal food. I have limitation in socializing with men. I have (and need) to pray - perform solah and make du'a - every day. I do not go to clubs. I say my God's name - Allah - every time I speak; insha-Allah - Alhamdulillah - masha-Allah - bismillah - subhanAllah - Assalamualaikum warahmatullah etc. I love to read the Quran, eventhough my Arabic is poor. I prefer to talk about how wonderful life is if we're here living to please Allah, rather than talking about how cool it is to dress like Beyonce or how handsome Johnny Depp is or how proud I am to travel around the globe - just to impress others. I have beautiful hairs too but why do I have to show them off to the whole world? What's the point then? I don't know how to use make ups. I might not have fashion sense. I eat and drink using my right hand because that is what our prophet taught us. And to me, fine dining is fine once in a while but is rather ridiculous if you make it as your life style. Come on, the prophet PBUH ate moderately throughout his whole life, so why bother our standards and class just to impress people and satisfy our silly nafs? The prophet PBUH has been granted a definite place in jannah, you see? Have we? I don't have much money, but I'm living a great life. I'm not using any smart phones. I don't have an iPhone, Samsung Galaxy Tab nor iPad. Are you kidding me? I want them but I don't need them! I only have a Dell notebook my father bought me and a simple express music Nokia I bought using the money I save from tutoring back then in 2010. I don't have a car, that black baby boy I've been using for years paid by my wonderful father. Yeah, I love to sing and play music too, but only to certain extend. Islam teaches me to be moderate so I know my boundaries when I play music and sing. Yes of course I love to hang out with friends but come on, we can hang out at home too, right? It doesn't mean I'm anti-social, aite? I studied at a local university, a course that is not as popular as medicine or engineering or law. But I survived. I didn't work at a well-known company like my friends do, and I didn't make much in a month like they did. But I love my life. I love Allah, and He makes me stronger each day. I'm happy. So that's why I am wearing what I am wearing. I am practising a life Allah wants me to practise. Well, at least I'm trying to! Insha-Allah.

So if these facts draw you away from me, tell me, what can I do?

If me being me is not in your so-called cool-and-modern-life-dictionary, so be it!

You remind me of Dr. Tariq Ramadan:
"When I pretend to be strong, no one sees my hidden tears except Allah. When I'm sad and need a shoulder to cry on, no one supports me but Allah. PLEASING A HUMAN IS VERY DIFFICULT, PLEASING ALLAH IS THE EASIEST. People sometimes punish me for mistakes I have not done, Allah ignores and excuses the ones that I did. This is Allah, the Greatest, the Most Almighty, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful, and all praises belong to Him."

Skema, poyo, too Islamic, out-dated, kolot, bajet bagus?

I rather be worried of what Allah thinks of me, not of what you think I am.

So... Yeah... Just leave me if you want to. I'm here being a happy me and loving every minute of it. With the love and guidance from my God.


Ahad, 24 Jun 2012

Mursi!

Bismillah...


Ya Allah, I cry every single day because of You.

Tears of joy and happiness.
Tears of pain and sickness.
Tears of love and gratefulness.
Tears of anxious and emptiness.
Tears of guilt and sadness.

Tonight, the tears are even more meaningful than the ones at fajr.

Allah is my God, Islam is my deen, Muhammad PBUH is my prophet & messenger of Allah. 

Thank you Allah, for making me alive. Thank you for Mursi.

Thank you for everything.


Sabtu, 23 Jun 2012

Tu langit!




Bismillah...

Semakin suka mendongak ke langit.

Redhailah kami, ya Allah.

Amiin.

Koizora.


Sabtu, 16 Jun 2012

Jubah buat saya kecikkkkk hati!

Dengan nama Allah...


Entah kenapa saya rasa sangat berkecil hati bila saya nak keluar ada orang tegur saya; pakai jubah untuk ke sana?

Salah ke saya pakai jubah untuk pergi jalan-jalan?

Jubah untuk pergi masjid saja ke?

Serius saya kecil hati. Entah kenapa rasa offensive sangat. Sensitif sangat ke saya ni?

Kalau saya selesa, kenapa tidak?

Masuk hutan pun saya boleh pakai jubah atau baju kurung, insha-Allah tak ada masalah.


Jubah ni, old school sangat ke?

m(_ _)m


Ah. Terasa seh.

Moga Allah melapangkan rasa yang sudah sedikit sempit ini.


Balik kampung

Dengan nama Allah...


Rindu.

Sangat-sangat.

Nak balik kampung.





Rabu, 13 Jun 2012

"Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku nangis..."

Dengan nama Allah...


Cerita dia.






Aku siap untuk tidur. Tutup lampu, berdu'a dan baring.

Beberapa minit, masih jaga.

Macam tak boleh tidur. Terlentang, mengiring ke kanan, terlentang. Sama juga.

Beberapa minit, tak juga lena.


Aku mula fikir tentang banyak perkara.

Tak ada duit. Eh, bukan, kurang duit.
Tak ada kerja bagus.
Badan tak cukup kuat dan cergas.
Muka tak cukup berseri dan cahaya.
Belajar tak tinggi mana.
Tak ada teman hidup, sunyi.
Hidup sedikit kucar-kacir.
Tak ada matlamat jelas, masa depan kabur.

Fikir lagi.

Ada katil, kipas atas kepala, bantal selesa, selimut. Orang lain ada?
Ada keluarga ambil berat makan pakai kasih sayang semua. Orang lain ada?
Ada badan sempurna walaupun tak ada rupa sangat, sihat dan berkudrat. Orang lain ada?
Ada pendidikan dan peluang berpendidikan walaupun tak tinggi mana. Orang lain ada?
Ada makanan untuk isi perut, ada bumbung nak berteduh. Orang lain ada?

Fikir banyak kali.

Tiba-tiba mata aku berair. Nak kata pedih kena bawang, nampak sangat aku tipu.
Habuk? Aku tengah pejam mata ni ha.

Fikir dan fikir.

Aku minta Allah tunjuk jalan, permudahkan jalan, luruskan jalan.

Betul ke dia tu jodoh aku?
Macam mana aku nak tahu?
Kau ke jodoh aku, ha?

Betul ke jalan aku pilih ni?
Macam mana aku nak tahu?
Jalan ni ke patut aku ikut, ha?

Kenapa aku rasa macam ni?
Macam mana aku nak tahu?
Kenapa aku rasa macam ni, ha?

Apa cara nak dapat rezeki lebih?
Macam mana aku nak tahu?
Rezeki macam mana yang aku nak, ha?


Macam-macam lagi!


Allahu Allah.


Betullah. Aku dah tak boleh nak cover line.
Memang aku menangis!

Mula-mula bergenang air mata.
Lepas tu mula mengalir.

Kemudian teresak-esak.

Aku macam baru sedar, nak bergantung pada siapa lagi kalau bukan yang di langit?


Alahai. Sambung lagi menangis.


Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku nangis...


Dan aku cerita pada kau.







Cerita dia.


Selasa, 12 Jun 2012

Semoga sedar diri

Dengan nama Allah...


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Gelak saya kepada diri sendiri.

Kelakar.

Sangat kelakar.

Kebanyakan tulisan-tulisan saya sangat kelakar.

Sebenarnya, adakah saya membawa sekurang-kurangnya satu manfaat apabila menulis di dalam blog ini?

Adakah kamu-kamu yang membaca terkesan secara positif dengan tulisan saya?

Kerana apabila saya membaca kembali tulisan-tulisan saya, saya 'terpaksa' ketawakan diri sendiri.



Saya melihat proses kematangan diri saya sendiri. Sejak saya mula menulis sekitar tahun 2007.

Kadang saya nampak bodoh. Kadang nampak jahil. Kadang nampak perasan bagus. Kadang nampak tak sedar diri.


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mungkin ada baiknya saya tidak memadamkan terus tulisan-tulisan ini.

Sebab, saya rasa lebih sedar diri bila melihat sendiri kekurangan diri sendiri.


Dan saya terus gelak sakan. Alahai diri...

Sedarlah diri!


Isnin, 11 Jun 2012

Kampung!

Bismillah...

A few days back, I went to Kuala Lumpur.

I drove and parked my car in Putrajaya, got onto a train and went straight to KL Sentral.

From there, I had another journey by train to the heart of Kuala Lumpur. Then I walked around a few places, basically aimless.

Thought of buying some traditional clothes for some friends in Japan and Indonesia. But at last, I didn't.


As I walked around KL, I felt like a stranger. Like a tourist who has never been to the city. It felt weird and funny. Because after all, I'm a Malaysian.

Am I?

I was born in Kuala Lumpur. But I don't like KL. I hate its noisiness, the busy streets, weird modernization, silly urban life styles yadda yadda yadda.

I am so kampung.

Yes I am.

Weird kampungan girl who was born in KL and grew up in towns. I don't even have a real kampung with pokok kelapa and rumah kayu!

I am so perasan-kampung!

But it doesn't make me any less Malaysian, aite!

Duh.



Sabtu, 9 Jun 2012

Surprise!!

In the name of Allah...



These few weeks have been devastating.

So many plans went the other way around and hopes came crushing down.

What do you have in store for me, dear Allah? Yours are definitely the best!

P/S: Tak sabar nak tunggu surprise daripada Yang di Langit! ♥